


Too

by LookAlive_DeadEyes



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Bullying, Dan is sort of a writer, Depression, Eating Disorders, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this ages ago so here it is, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Overdosing, Passing Out, Self Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, hoooooooo boy this is dark, this is hella sad, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 12:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15751386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookAlive_DeadEyes/pseuds/LookAlive_DeadEyes
Summary: Dan wastooeverything. He was too stupid, too feminine, too fat. If he forgot this for a second, he would be reminded by every scumbag at school. His coping mechanisms? A blade to the arm and a constant rumbling stomach.He's about to get sent to a mental hospital, but he gets one night at home. It's safe to say this isn't a good night.





	Too

**Author's Note:**

> whoop whoop vent fic! I wrote this a few weeks ago but I'm posting it now. Enjoy!
> 
> SERIOUS TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE/SELF HARM SCARS/ANOREXIA/OVERDOSING

Dan was fucked up. He knew this. How could he not? He wasn’t even fifteen and yet here he was, home for a single night from the hospital before getting sent to a mental ward, bony hand shaking as he gripped a bottle of pills he stole from the locked cabinet and wondered if it would even matter if he took them all right then. 

Why him? Why did everyone hate him? Why couldn’t get even a moment of peace from his own mind?

He supposed it made sense, if he thought clearly. He was depressed, obviously, and he knew he was anorexic. He was too anxious, too concerned, too paranoid, too fat.   
Too antisocial, too obsessed with music, too feminine. Too everything. 

If he hadn’t realized it already, then the kids at school who regularly pounded it into him would’ve made him understand soon enough. 

But he was also too careless. So when he passed out walking to the board in math class, he let slip he hasn’t eaten that day. Then he let slip he hadn’t eaten anything the day before, or before that, and he had eaten nothing but an apple the day before that. 

Too careless, so when his sleeves rode up as he was loaded into an ambulance, his scars seemed to glow neon, screaming from his forearms, yelling to the world just how fucked up he was. 

Too careless, so when his mom saw his journal and flipped through it, she saw nothing but harsh scribbles and intrusive thoughts pressed onto the papers into hastily formed sentences and lyrics, poetry and prose alike. 

Too careless, so when the nurses and doctors changed him into a hospital gown, they saw the bruises that littered his sides, painting the paper thin skin that stretched taut over protruding ribs and hipbones a million shades of black and blue. 

Too much to fix, so he was getting shipped off to a mental ward five weeks before his fifteenth birthday. He had one night at home. He knew the doctors just wanted to make him feel comfortable before shipping him off. The only thing was, Dan refused to be sent away. Dan couldn’t see himself getting better. Dan didn’t want to have to suffer anymore or put up with the pain. 

The world was finally just _too much._ He poured a pile of pills onto his hand, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he gulped some down. And then more. And then some more and more until the whole bottle was empty and his head hurt and suddenly the room was spinning and then he fell and the world was black and the one thought Dan had before he lost consciousness completely was that he hoped his little brother didn’t find him.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave feedback! 
> 
> hmu on tumblr @unbuttered-toast


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